Prince of Spring

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Darkness shrouds this cold morning of unknown.
Nature surrounds me like a dear friend’s arms;
He tells me that all is not the same.
“You must hold on tight for the coming wild ride,” he says.
Sometimes I feel at one with the changing tide.

The icy breath nips at my nose.
It whispers of love and hope and dreams,
Shooing away the ice like a sip of warm cream.
Change is coming quick in this soul;
The evidence is all around me, I feel it strong.
Dirt beneath me shifts and groans.
A bright green shoot pops out of the ground;
Red petals bloom from the sprout,
Bold, natural, gorgeous–
But soon will be plucked and will die;
It was too young to survive.

I find myself walking on the late ice of social interaction;
The surface is frozen and smooth; which way should I move?
Their eyes follow me with every step.
I could say something wrong, so I don’t make a sound.
The laughs echo around and shatter the ground;
I fall through and plunge into the icy depths beneath.
I scream at myself for being so strange,
For holding onto my identity as Unfinished.

There is always that scared, little boy inside.
He hates talking to people but also the loneliness.
He hides behind his big strong dad and stays silent.
Spring hides behind the forces of Winter;
Too shy to come out sooner.

I could sit alone for hours in the Springtime,
Because I can learn so much from him.
Adapting; from Winter to Summer.
Rain spatters the fresh dirt, churns and mixes.
Perhaps the cold will roll in and bring flakes of snow,
To wipe out what was coming to life!

I cannot see the future picture of loveliness;
The mighty forces of Summertime,
Sweeping heat and refreshing breeze.
There is greener grass on the other side– of the year.
The times when the Sun shines over the dead,
The Son shining across the troubled children and men;
Bringing life back to what once was fallen.
Darkness shrouds this cold morning of unknown.

Sunshine Blogger Award

Hey guys, happy Tuesday!

Recently there have been these neat blogging “awards” going around in the community. The purpose of these “awards” is to build relationships between bloggers and to bring awareness to other blogs that you find awesome.

We were nominated for the Leibster Blog Award a while back, and that was a ton of fun. Now, Gabrielle from Redeeming the Times has nominated us for the Sunshine Blogger award!

Gabrielle had a set of twelve questions for us, and we have ten for the bloggers that we nominate.

Here are the questions! (Obviously, the J’s are for Jason, and P’s are for Peter on our answers).

Why did you start blogging?

J: I started blogging when I was about thirteen because I wanted to have a public portfolio of my writing. I thought it would be cool to have a collection of my writing in one place, where we people could read it and be encouraged. And encourage me with it. Now, I mostly blog to be able to share how I feel with others. It’s funny how Miznos has almost become a public expression of my friendship with Peter.

P: Blogging was kind of at the back of my mind when I started writing seriously. I told myself that I would need to start a blog sometime, but was reluctant to try to start one due to the number of things I thought I needed to do. Luckily (more like Divinely), my friend Jason was also trying to write more consistently on his own blog but needed some help with the project he was working on. I’ve been Co-Author of Miznos ever since, and have had a blast.

What three books would you recommend for others to read?

J: Well other than the Bible, some books I would suggest to read are Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury, The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis, and A Praying Life by Paul E. Miller. Fahrenheit 451 is a very insightful dystopian story about meaning and purpose. I thought it was both a really good reflection of the purposelessness we have without God as well as a reflection of what our culture has become through addiction to technology and distraction. Also, the descriptions are beast! I would suggest The Four Loves not because I agree with everything but because it covers some topics we should think more about in a helpful, prodding way, which really forced me to think. Finally, A Praying Life is amazing!!! It really lit up my prayer life and was super balanced and helpful. Everyone should read it!

P: This is one of those questions that any writer should just have an automatic answer for, you get asked it so many times. My recommendations are going to mostly consist of fiction pieces since that’s what I read. I would definitely recommend Ranger’s Apprentice: Ruins of Gorlan by John Flannagan. It’s a classic for me with a timeless lore that I can fall in love with over and over again. Another good one is Thr3e by Ted Dekker, it has an amazing storyline as a thriller that I did not expect at all. My final choice would be 12 Ways Your Phone is Changing You by Tony Reinke. I’m actually in the midst of reading this, but it has still impacted me deeply so far.

What’s one of your favorite scriptures? Why?

J: I love the end of John 21, where Jesus is calling Peter back to Himself. It reminds me that even when we deny Christ, He remains faithful to us. It is His faithfulness that makes it possible for us to follow Him!

P: A new favorite of mine is Psalm 37:4, “Delight yourself also in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.” This scripture holds an amazing promise of ultimate joy and contentment in Christ, while also reassuring us that God cares about our passions.

Name one or two things you’re passionate about.

J: I am passionate about helping people to understand each other. When my friends or family have a disagreement, I feel like I am called to bring resolution to the conflict and help to bring mutual understanding.

P: Honestly, I’m passionate about seeing a new revival of just, general chivalry in the young men of America. We have not been taking up the mantle of leader of the house that God created us to have. Disrespecting women has gotten us into a terrible place, and the consequence of that is hatred and prejudice concerning race and gender

Dark chocolate or milk chocolate?

J: Dark chocolate all the way!

P: Dark chocolate 100%. The more cacao, the better. If there’s mint involved, I’m a lost cause.

If money wasn’t an issue, where would you go on vacation?

J: Australia. I want to go scuba-diving in the Great Barrier Reef, see koalas and bilbies, and get an awesome Australian accent!

P: Somewhere with a beach and sun. Probably one of the islands in the Mediterranean off the coast of Italy. I’m heavily Italian, and I can’t resist true pasta.

What’s your favorite way to de-stress?

J: I like to get all of my thoughts and feelings out on a page, usually as poetry, and read and re-read what I’ve written several times until I feel like I get it out of my system.

P: Listening to music and writing heartfelt poetry that no one will probably ever see. I also enjoy going for a long run where I can contemplate life’s mysteries.

Name a favorite fictitious character.

J: Arwen Undómiel from the Lord of the Rings.

P: Martin the Warrior from the Redwall series.

What are three things you love to do?

J: I feel like I should just say listening to music three times, but I’m not going to so. . . I like talking to my friends in late hours of the night, usually keeping them up while I ramble on about random stuff. I also love dancing. And of course, listening to music, especially Twenty-one-pilots, Hollyn, NF, and more recently, Ivan B!

P: Generally, I love to spend time outside in nature. More specifically, I like to practice with my recurve and compound bow, go running, and dancing until my legs hurt!

If you could choose a person to meet, who would it be?

J: Other than Jesus, I would like to meet my future self. It would be really cool to know what I would be like in a few years. I feel like I’ll change a lot in the next few years (going to college now), and I’m excited/nervous to find out who I’ll become.

P: It really depends on if they’re still alive or not. If they’re not alive anymore, then my great-grandpa I never met. Still alive, I would have to choose Tyler Joseph from Twenty One Pilots.

What’s a sport you wish you could play?

J: I’d have to say football, not so much for the sport, but just because it would be really awesome to be that tall. Lol. Also, gymnastics would be pretty cool.

P: I’ve tried to play a few sports, and wasn’t very good at them. I guess some sort of contact sport would be my choice. Boxing, MMA, maybe Taekwondo?

Hugs or just a good high five?

J: Definitely depends on the moment and situation.

P: I love to give people hugs, it really depends on the person. Sometimes it would just be weird.

Before I get into the nominees, I feel like I should let them know that they are under no time frame at all. They can take as long as they want, or not participate at all if they are super busy. No pressure! I’m going to have to put on my suit and tie for this part. And the nominees are…

Zach Phillips from Zachphillip.com
Anna Peters from Northern Hearts Alaska
Haddassah from Perfectly Loved by Jesus
Alathia from Bliss
Michael Goddard II from Obey God, Reach Others
Our questions for all you amazing people.

1.What’s your favorite obscure crayon color?
2.Have you ever laughed at the wrong moment?
3.Do you have any unique skills or weird talents?
4.Which is more satisfying: when you perfectly fill a page with words or the feeling of a pen against paper?
5.In your opinion, which sport is the most pointless?
6.If you could be anyone (other than yourself) for one day who would it be?
7.What is the least favorite post you’ve written on your blog?
8.What is the awkwardest thing you’ve ever said?
9.What fictional character from LOTR do you get the most frustrated at? Why?
10.What’s your favorite book of the Bible? Why?

Have a wonderful day, and enjoy every moment of God’s beautiful creation!

-Peter Rogati III (Pedro)

Is This All We Are?

I feel the familiar pressure move in,
An unwanted embrace of awkwardness that lingers;
Their heated, rancid breath strokes my face;
It reeks of standardized rebellion and petty lies.
The light is dim and faded; they’ll hide here for as long as it takes.
They’ll sit in their holes while the world’s fire rages.
Their empty laughs echo across the sky,
A blissful symphony of unanswered attention.
This is us and we have been spoiled.

We want what we want, and we want it now.
All the pain we face can be blamed on an object.
Technology, religion, free opinion–pick your scapegoat.
Ignore the person behind the black ski-mask;
Secret identities are supposed to remain hidden.
We’re our own superheroes.
Even though we tell ourselves we’re strong,
All there’s left is clothes, hay, and a stick to steady ourselves on
Left to be tossed and thrown by the wind of circumstance.
Life isn’t good when everyone hates us.
Let them oodle and gawk while we giggle and screech;
We don’t see where we’re going but we don’t care.

We like what we like, and we like it now.
Our backs are broken and shattered continually from the weight;
We must be strong for those who are spectating.
Our elders look at us in grief and agony;
They regret how they raised us.
If they could take back those angry, spur of the moment screams,
If they could have listened to us and nurtured our dreams…
They might have, maybe. . .
We blame our ceaseless anger on them.

We hate what we hate, and we hate it now.
It’s their fault that everyone hates us.
Parents, grandparents, teachers, bosses, neighbors, politicians,
Those who have abandoned or fled us.
Did they think they were not good enough for us?
Were they scared of that tiny, dirty baby?
Some of them were deceived and lied to,
Told that there was no life in their wombs.
They didn’t know what to think, and were convinced to cheat.
These are just blobs of cells, not their child they will never meet;
We continue this twisted tradition, live for love and kill the product.

Is everyone just here to watch you fail?
Check your phone again; you’ve got mail!
A message you get every single day–
It haunts your sleep and scares away the sheep.
It reads, “You are the generation of devastation.”
“The world is falling apart and you sit alone;”
“All you care about is opinions and sticks and stones;”
We listen for a second before putting our music back in.
The world tells me to be myself and nothing else.
What if I hate myself and want to change?

I hear You whisper:
“I AM who I AM, and I AM now.”
In the schools and colleges full of desperate youth,
They are taught to deny that I AM is.
We are sculpted to have inquisitive minds and free hearts,
Taught that it is impossible that I AM exists.
An omnipresent being who really loves His creation?
Crazy. Bizzare. Ignorant. Bliss.
We might be Israel in the desert, America in the year of the millenials
But He always was who He always is.

“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.”–1 Peter 2:9

What Is Your Name?

I watch Creation as it works, a seamless masterpiece of love.
How can I fathom what the sparrow knows?
Or the timing of a spring time shower?
How can I understand the inner-man; the desires, raw and unfiltered, of humanity?
How can I fathom the galaxy’s treasures, Your blessings upon the forsaken?
How can I believe in an invisible God? All there ever was–faith.

How can I see through the suffering? Mine, ours, his, hers, theirs.
We seem to be trapped within our flesh and brainwashed into broken logic.
How do you expect me to love you when all around me is pain?
How can I push for a deeper relationship when the door seems to be locked shut?
How can I see Spirit and life when my eyes just see a Book?
Why do I flirt with death when all I have is this life to live?

Where is everyone when I feel alone?
Where is the goodness in today when I only feel failure in these bones?
How can I spread a fire among the world when everyone is doused in Satan’s wisdom?
How is there a possibility for love when all I see is persecution?
How can I trust a God when He is only a name?
How can man escape his fears? Is it my sacrifice or ritual?

No, but only one man’s sacrifice. A man that sweats blood and heals children.
A man whose questions were deeper.
Why did He take the cup upon Himself? How could He deem us worthy?
He did it because we are not worthy. He took our filthy blood on Himself; And drained it.
He fills us with Himself instead of our questions.
How great is our God of heaven, earth, and my own forgiven soul?

Standing Here

I’m frozen while standing here
At this lonely curb that everyone hates
My hands are shoved deep in my pockets–
I’ll shuffle my feet and grunt and groan,
But I’m still here and still stuck

I see others pass me by
Some are in the slow lane
The rest are speeding ahead
There are no tickets given to the confident
Inside we are the same though,
Unsure, unfaithful, unused
Our plastic faces are sore from smiling

Here comes the first one that I knew
He walks with confidence and purpose
We’ve come a long way from Play Group
His future is set by his own determination
He’s found companions in his passion
Our similarities are guided by the past-
Inside jokes, ridiculousness, memories
Is this what holds us together?
Will the glue deteriorate?

There’s the one who I thought was true
We laughed and joked and had fun
Then I found out how much he cared
Now he walks and does not look at me
His steps are sloppy, all over
Where is he going?
Even though I should care, I don’t
I lie to myself and say that I’m not angry
There’s no bitterness in my head
Make sure you look both ways before crossing

I see someone across the street
He hides behind lamps, cans, other walkers
Is he afraid of what I’ll think?
I see frustration, pain, shame in his eyes
Is he shutting me out from his walk and life?
Am I not trying hard enough?
He’s lived through more turmoil than I ever have
I won’t understand everything he’s going through
We cannot relate on our levels of life
He might be running away,
But I can’t stop him

Then there’s the man who stood by me
We’ve grown closer as we take this trek slow
We’ve both learned the danger of distractions
This road isn’t so lonely when we run
He’s walking away from worlds and eyes
Now I see him growing inch by inch
My mind tells me he’s inching away
I don’t know what to think, throw, thank-
Will he remember me?

Thousands of people are running around,
Hands clamped around their ears and eyes
They don’t want to hear, see, or live
Inside they’re hurt, misguided, and warped-
Until they can’t fit anywhere
Lost with nowhere to go

My fortune is a hidden one
I can help a select few in their long walk
These people have been placed in my life
Regardless of how they treat me
I can be the light on their dark street
And while I am standing here,
There is more than just companionship
I can reach for deep, true friendships

Welcome to My World

Horizon shakes in my vision—
My steps feel like… responsibility;
The weight of maturity—
It makes me tired and lazy.

All I want to do,
All I need to make me happy,
Are my computer and earbuds.
I can sit here for hours,
Lying and saying that I’m actually trying.

There goes another wasted second.
Adios to my passion for hard things.
Arrivederci to my righteous dreams.
Guilt drips in through the gutters;
I groan and sigh reluctantly.
I should do something productive.

Blare the rap music to drown out real life;
Let the sweat run down my face,
Lift the weights and push the pace,
Aching body and numbed mind—
It makes me feel more worthy.
Make exercise the priority.

I’m always tired and sluggish.
There is no connecting with my characters.
My mind has no emotion for poetry.
Coffee is my elixir of life.
They say “Go to bed earlier!”

But then I find excuses—
Excuses are what push me.
I don’t have time for this,
I don’t want to do that.

Education is a wasted effort.
I’ll never use Algebra again!
When will Chemistry formulas ever be useful?
Learning another language is pointless.
I have no life!
I don’t have enough friends!
Why do I care about being real?

I lay in my bed and stare into darkness.
Today was another failure…
But isn’t every day Yours?
Does that mean You don’t care about my feelings?
That You can’t possibly see all my struggles?

The evidence against my assumptions is clear.
What about Job?
He was compensated for his suffering.
What about Corrie ten Boom?
She saved lives through her secret room.
What about Jesus?
He could see beyond the pain.
What about me?

My complaints and trials are so minuscule.
I’m still alive and I still believe
You are alive and still speak.
We are still one forevermore;
Your Spirit still shocks me to the core.

My monotonous days are only opportunity,
A chance to love others with Your truth.
Please help me to live in your peace,
And to make the most before I leave.

Starving

Flashing cursor centers my vision
Tapping fingers scream frustration
My mind is blank of the life once there,
A shadow of the unknown relayed to me

I feel drained of all the words
Sitting here in midnight hours
Stressing about posts and what I can do more
Where is the raw imagination dump?
I need the tears and goosebumps
The floods when you scramble for a pen to float on
When your life isn’t complete without a page
When your hand isn’t trapped in a cage

Slam my computer shut in rage
There’s more to writing than this!
My self-confidence is on the death bed
Put it to rest and wish it well

Every word is a question mark
Does this even make sense?
Will my failures soon be in past tense?
I’ve done this a million times before!
The words should flow like a river
Now I see a dry creek bed with dead fish
Make stories with botched stitch

Can I live up to my reputation?
Will fatigue prove too powerful a temptation?
If it isn’t the best I’ve ever done,
Then I shouldn’t even try
Will my readers be disenchanted?
This mess is less than what’s demanded

Worst of all of this,
I do not know my true identity
If the words do not come to me,
If my stories are not told,
If the books are not sold,
I’m not really a writer

My name is liar and faker
I can’t say I’m a wordsmith,
All my success is just a big myth
Who am I without my work?
This may seem like a writer’s block,
But my head is on the chopping block

Then comes a voice in a whisper
“Who is sovereign over your life?”
I ignore it and move on with my struggle
“Who owns the feelings you juggle?”
Well me of course

A laugh resounds within my heart
I suddenly feel beyond foolish
“You are not the one who tames the seas”
“You are not the one who answers pleas”
“Why do you try to control what you cannot?”

I soon realized something crucial,
Nothing material is worth my trust
My identity should not rest on something so frail
Writing abilities change and grow,
And my inexperience will always show

He is the same every day
Nothing is really mine, just a gift
I cannot lose what I never had
He will guide my writing and my future
He is the one who loves me no matter what

Paradoxical Love

When we shake our fist at God, He is the one who opens His hand;
When we’re falling without hope, His love is a place we can land;
When we teeter off the edge, He is the one Who grabs our wrist;
When we cry out in anger at the sky, He is the one whose cheek was kissed;
When we flee from hardship and discipline, He is the one on Calvary’s hill;
When we are surrounded by our own sin, His love surrounds us still;
When we hold onto our filth so tight, He is the one burning it to dust;
When we are wallowing in self-pity, He is taking on all that is unjust;
When I know I have failed him again, He is the one still fighting;
When I feel alone in my fight, He is stoking the fire and igniting;
When I don’t trust what He tells me, He is one Who is always;
When I think that time influences my walk, He is patient every day.

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P-trayed

Drip
Drip
On the floor.
I can’t hold on anymore.

My fingertips start to slip.
I’m falling.
The wild wind in my face,
Makes me feel something new.
It might be called freedom;
It might be named truth.

Looking into the mirror
I see my tired eyes.
Why do I try?

You aren’t here to hold me tight.
I’m afraid of the night.
My mind goes places wild,
Blame it on the juvenile.

All those innocent things–
They tear me down or make me king;
Ruler of the world,
Or maybe just my mind.

I do not feel lonely.
I do not feel lovely.
You aren’t here to call me dumb.
I miss you so.
Please come home.

I swear I’ll try.
I probably won’t die.
Maybe.
But you told me to!

Blame it on influence.
Influence is leadership.
You were in control.
Don’t you see the polls?
You were voted into office…
Again.

A dictatorship?
Democracy.
A fascist?
That’s crazy.

No excuse for my abuse.
I apologize until I drop;
You never ask me to stop.

Feeling pain but not worried.
You’re right here with me.
Wait…
You’re not!

Panic rises steadily.
Fling myself across the room,
Across my bed like a princess.
What a mess!

Here come the steady tears.
Can’t say I’m not terrorized,
Always so petrified.

Drip
Drip
Bloody tears.
A shade of crimson for my peers.
A hue of gold for the vanity;
Violet for my reign;
Violent and full of shame.

I’m slipping away on the icy floor,
Harden hearts and Bible lore.
I can’t find a reason to come home.
You are there.

But you’re really not that interesting;
Always with the pestering!
Talking to me about this and that.
I’ll just give you a hard slap.

It might hurt a little bit.
Ignore the blasphemy and spit.
Dig my nails into your skull;
Make the blood run freely.

Try to run away, my boy?
Don’t you know that you’re my toy?
I lift the strings on you;
Take one step forward and back;
Point out everything you lack.

You are a wretched soul.
Fill your stockings with coal.
You aren’t really a good person.
Make sure you get the full immersion.

Baptism you say?
Not likely.
It’s a complete bath;
Don’t ignore my full blown wrath.

Breathing might not be an option.
Death is near you say?
That’s how dearly you will pay.

Get out of my mind!
I do not like when you are here!
Are you not an angel fallen down?
Won’t you lead us through this town?

The town of lies and swindle.
You hop around swift and nimble,
Through society’s trickiest traps.

Compared to your fleetness,
I feel like a fat child.
Inexperienced and mild.

No passion in my big bones.
Hurting me won’t take sticks and stones.
You are the fire in my life.
I like ignoring strife.

Finding myself trapped in work.
In darkness you may lurk,
With a trench coat and sunglasses.
Will you allow me a few classes?

Teach me how to act normal.
Give me lessons in staying alive.
I struggle you know.

You do not need me!
Let me go free.
Don’t you get it son?
You are not the chosen one.
You are not special.
All you do is feed me.
I am the monster inside your heart,
Eating you from the inside out.

It can’t be.
You were my idol!
My golden sun and stolen song!
I worshiped you.

That’s the point, you moronic sheep!
Follow me and you will die.

Then the solution is open wide!
I will stay put where I stand.

But oops, you slipped…

Night Visions

My eyelids close with a boom.
I gave up too soon.
The fight was harder
Then I thought it would be.

Now here come my friends
That darkness sends;
Claws and teeth
Swirl around my mind.

I feel their stares
On my naked back.
Curl up smaller;
Can’t stand up taller.

These heavy blankets
Are my shield and fortress.
I’m sweating on purpose.
The heat will fade.

I can hear them crawling,
Underneath my bed.
“Only dust mites,”
Is what Mommy said.

That isn’t just a shadow;
It crept in through the window.
That isn’t just an afterglow;
It’s the ushering in of terror.

All alone and fatigued,
I convulse in fear.
It’s like this every night.
I cannot stop a tear.

It rolls down my cheek,
As I sob and sigh.
Will I really die,
If they get me?

I’m older now,
An independent teen.
What does that mean?
Am I still alone?

My friends have left me.
They don’t creep in the night.
In fact I miss them;
They don’t bite.

As I walk along the road–
The road of this life–
I find a discarded knife,
In my back.

In fact there are many.
Sharp blades make me scream.
I have been betrayed;
I am losing my steam.

Oh dear, oh my,
I am not practically perfect.
I can smell and detect
Another man in my body.

His name is Jekyll.
He looks like my old friends
That darkness sends.
My only friends forever.

Now I just lay,
Fighting off this Jekyll inside.
My name ain’t Hyde;
I am only Alone.

Trying to be cool and normal,
I slowly destroy myself.
Perhaps I need some help
To finally go to sleep.

My mind flies away;
My hopes start to stray.
I fight off the questions I face.
Please don’t go there!

What am I living for?
I feel so alone.
Is there more in store
For my life?

Who really loves me?
My bed starts to creak,
As I toss and turn.
I am so lost.

Jekyll starts to laugh.
He thinks that I can only live,
When I keep everything I can give;
Stay selfish forever.

I can see my window;
I hear the noise.
But what’s my choice?
To live in denial?

Denial of my real desires.
I can’t face them.
They are too horrifying.
The knives I cannot parry.

My friends have left me.
Why did I hate them?
I could not see
The lessons they taught.

Now my thoughts struggle.
Think about your success.
Jekyll wants me to forget
All the pain and stress.

I cannot forget.
I cannot live free.
I lay here awake,
And can only blame me.