A11: Me?

This poem relates the struggles of a self-hating Christian. The first stanza sets the premise for the rest of the poem, showing the person’s shame, and it also goes into the characters view of humanity in general.

The next stanza relates his growth from a child to a teenager and parallels the child and the teenager, calling the child “life-filled” and the teenager “death-filled”.

The third stanza begins by showing what other teenagers think of the character, using words such as “introvert” and “bookworm”, but then morphs into how the teenager sees himself. Again, a contrast is made in the middle of the stanza between other teens thinking of the character as “easily satisfied” and the character himself feeling “easily dissatisfied.”

The fourth stanza goes further into what the character thinks and feels about himself and God. It ends with the question, “What does He [God] see?”

Finally, in the last stanza the teen’s question is answered and God speaks, telling the character that He loves him.

I use similes (“as green as greed”), repetition of the word “Afraid” in stanza three, and rhyme throughout, as well as other literary devices. The poem is free verse and does not have a consistent rhyme scheme.

16212329146_5a8bc91f27_kLooking Up” by Ricardo Williams. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

My deep, dark self
Hiding, ever hiding
Never opening up
Always in the dark.
I am dead.
I am a fiend, a ghost.
I will only hurt you,
If I let my true self show.
Unless I hide, I will be repulsed by my own being.
Myself is not something worth seeing.
I am damp, dark, and foul.
I am as red as blood,
As green as greed,
As blue as bruises and scars.
I am despicable.
Look away!
You don’t want to know me.
Trust what I say.
Leave, or you’ll regret it.
If you see me, you won’t forget it.
But you are ugly too.
You are gross.
You are lost.
We all are.
We all hide.
We all deceive.
No one. . .
No one wants to see.
Slam the door!


Masking self.
Trying to impress.
Trying everything.
Wanting to be heard.
Wanting to be left alone.


They call me,
“Easily pleased.”
But I know I’m
Easily dissatisfied.
Escaping earth.
Sheltered since birth.
Out to get, not out to give.
Out to lust, not to love and live.
Out for friends, not out to be one.
Out to be seen, not to see them.

Do they see

I don’t know
Who I am.
They don’t know
How I am.
No one knows
Why I am.
Who am I?
Who’s I am?
Who has He made me?
Who have I made Him
In my head?
He feels dead.
I don’t know
Who He is.
They don’t know
How He is.
No one understands.
Why does He want me?
What does He see?

You are beautiful
My son, My friend
Because I made you, you are whole.
You don’t really know yourself.
Right now, you see the dark.
You see the damp.
You see the sin.
You see evil in everything.
If it could be,
You’d see it
Even in Me.
But you don’t know Me.
You don’t know yourself.
You see one truth.
I see another.
You are your hater.
I am your lover.
And though you feel lost and perverted,
And though you are underserving,
I love you.
Though you are a whore,
I want you.
Though you look for more,
You have Me
You don’t understand,
But I do.
And you don’t have to.
I died.
You lived.
That is all.


14 thoughts on “A11: Me?

  1. That was great! The last stanza really affected me personally, plus I had good music playing in the back, so I started crying!!! Very realistically written. My suggestion would be for you to not capitalize the first letter in the lines where they continue a sentence from the previous line, though I’m not sure if that’s grammatically accurate. It might look better.


  2. Thanks for this! It’s really encouraging! I think probably the reason it feels realistic is because it is based off of how I feel. I deal with condemnation and putting masks on for people, so this comes out of my own experience. We missed you at class on Thursday! As for the suggestion, I’m not sure. I’ll see if Ms. Gaines says something about it in her suggestions. I know that normally you wouldn’t capitalize the words since their in one sentence, but in most poetry, you capitalize everything (I think). Btw. speaking of poetry, yours is really good too!


  3. Hey, no biggie. This is basically what I said. Christian music has really helped me in my walk with the Lord, and so I recommend it to anyone seeing this. Specifically relevant to this poem, I like “glow in the dark” by Jason Grey.


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